Adulting Is Hard But Not With Your Fitness Plan (Part 1)

We have all been there and had those days when the thought of being a responsible, functioning adult is just draining,  especially when it comes to a fitness program. Yes,  mindset will determine success far more than work output.  I am reminded, almost daily, just how often our own fears, justifications and judgements of ourselves and others really impact the trajectory of success.  From the quality of the relationships we experience, as well as the level and speed of success in achieving life, fitness and body transformation goals.

Envisioning what we want and turning up to do the work required are only part of the equation. It is ‘Belief’ and an ‘unwavering emotional commitment’ to the outcome that  I feel is the most critical piece of the puzzle.

What links every truly successful athlete, musician, entertainer, business person, couple? At some point in their journey to achievement they stopped worrying about ‘the others’, they stopped worrying about the ‘what if it doesn’t work’ story, they stopped worrying if they were worthy of the work, worthy of the success,  worthy of the love.  They turned the fear of failure into the driver not to have failure as an option.  They committed every waking moment to the honest, uncensored pursuit of the goal. Devoting all physical, emotional, and psychological energy toward the outcome. Sounds exhausting doesn’t it, but in truth when we align with our passions we energise rather than deplete.

Judgement Detox

I recently began reading Gabriella Bernstein’s latest bestselling book Judgement Detox. An insightful read with a very spiritual inclination toward mental health and personal healing. She raises many wonderful insights and points for consideration. As I read the book and worked with my body transformation clients, I was struck with how often we all fall into self-judgment, belief justification and blame by default and usually as an avoidance technique. Avoiding change, avoiding facing our failings and primarily as a protection mechanism. No one likes to admit they screwed something up once, screwing up repeatedly is even harder to admit (cue thoughts of failed fitness attempts, failed relationships, failed projects) To do so exposes our vulnerability, our shame and our ‘guilt’.

Gabby highlights “The metaphysical teachers Abraham-Hicks  says ‘A belief is just a thought you keep thinking’. You create your reality with the thoughts you repeat and the beliefs you align with”. As humans we love to label, it provides safety and comfort to our pattern adoring minds. We label experiences, people, ourselves. We believe these labels  keep us safe, protect us from harm. They develop as coping mechanisms, ways to hide our fear and pain, guilt and shame by projecting it onto an external source.  The problem arises when the labels get stuck, when we stop evolving in our awareness and when the labels take on nasty overtones; resentments, jealousies and fear based actions like bullying.  Labels are simply judgements. Sometimes the attack is externalised; bullying, gossiping or violence and sometimes that attack is turned to self; depression, guilt, self deprecation, chronic body pain.

She makes a wonderful point about gossip. “Gossip is  a great example of  how we numb our pain by getting high on someone else’s. Gossiping about someone else gives us the opportunity to momentairly shift our focus away from ourselves and attack what is perceived outside ourselves…We perceive ourselves as the victim in the world we see. Judging ourselves as the victim feels safer than judging our wounds. “

One of the big points Gabby makes in her book and something that really resonated with me. I was struck with the simple eloquence of her explanation,  how powerful a willingness to witness our ‘wrong-mind’ pattern and to choose again.  A moment of awareness has the most profound power to shift outcomes. Being aware of the language we use about ourselves and others, the dialogue that goes through our heads every moment, the justifications we make to ourselves and others about any particular subject (some subjects will be more active for us in our awareness than others).

Gabby says “When we judge others we are really judging a disowned part of own shadow. Whatever we resent or dislike in another person is a reflection of something we don’t like in ourselves or a representation of a deep wound we are unwilling to heal. Often other people trigger our wounds. We judge them when that happens instead of accepting that discomfort is really about us. Beyond the wall of judgement lie our deepest feelings of inadequacy and shame. When we feel separate/ less than around others our shame is triggered. We feel alone, unworthy and not good enough.  Relief only comes when we are brave enough to witness the judgement and call it by its name: FEAR.  The root cause of all judgement is the fear of not being good enough, not being worthy of love, and not being safe. … [it is only in courage to look at this fear] can we begin to heal.”
In Part 2 we will deconstruct the Anatomy Of Beliefs and also looks at how the Pursuit of Excellence often gets confused with Perfectionism, why they are not the same thing  and how we can ease the pain and procrastination that comes from a perfectionistic belief system.